we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So here I am, sexting at work.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
