After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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