their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
