If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
