I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
