its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
