no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
