Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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