yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize