It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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