Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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