My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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