i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
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