he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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