Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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