Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
