If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
