I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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