i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
