Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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