I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
