Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
