I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
