There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
