My friends, they love my intelligence
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Drake has all the answers
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
