i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
