I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
