I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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