Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Someone shit on the floor
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize