OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
