if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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