Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
