I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
