Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
