i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize