Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
