I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
