you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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