I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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