Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
