she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
