i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize