Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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