I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
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