I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
