and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
