Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
