Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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