and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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