Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
