Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
