In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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