his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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