I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
