Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My pussy is not your playground.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
is it fun? or sober?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
