Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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