glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
