Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I supernannyed him into submission
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
