Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We are all done wearing pants today
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
