Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
