he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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