When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
