recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
