Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
