Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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