I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
