I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
