i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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