I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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