New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
