the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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