I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
