sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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