I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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