Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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