So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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