The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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