wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
