absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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