mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
