I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Randomize
