Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize