it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
