Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize