he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
