Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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