Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize