the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
you never un-have a 4some
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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