the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
