I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
