My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
