Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
