3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
