Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
