youre lurking in front of me
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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