do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
