Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
What a dumb baby whore.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
