bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
