Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize