I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
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