She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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