What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
