Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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