I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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