I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
